Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
