you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
