i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
