True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
