i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
