The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
