Small penises have feelings too.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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