I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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