i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
