That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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