just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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