oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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