bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
