last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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