sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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