I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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