So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
