Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
