I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
