You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
