I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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