my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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