He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
