Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
