I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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