i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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