I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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