well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
