I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The air taste purple.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
