Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
