I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
