My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
