handjob tips. give me some.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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