our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
