the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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