Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
