I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
