Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
my poor anus
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
last night I used snow as a chaser
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
