You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
