We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
