Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
