If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
