i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
