Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
