My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So vagazzling was a success
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
