so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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