It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
