I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
