She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
