New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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